the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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