Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
