I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i barfeds in our rink
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
