i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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