I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need to calm my uterus...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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