Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's the barista slut.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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