So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
