I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
