Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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