it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
