i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
