im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
