Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize