My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
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I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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