i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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