who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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