It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
