That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
