I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
