I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
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The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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