Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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