some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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