Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dignity is for republicans.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
