it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
