Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
