I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
only if we run a train.
done.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
