so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I supernannyed him into submission
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
