She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
