Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
