so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
