i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
