I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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