On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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