So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
