Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
