I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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