hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
