I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How does one acquire holy water?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
