Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
