is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
