If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
