I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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