My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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