just tell him i said nine months
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
