I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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