Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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