Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize