I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
