I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
