just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
