yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
