Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
