I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
