so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
