I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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