I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
