I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
