She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
