dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
