She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
