I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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