I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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