I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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