Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
me + whiskey = a bad person
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
