While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
