i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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