I'm lost and stupid without you.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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