I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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