i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You ruined the universe
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
