im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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