Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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