I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
