I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
do nipples grow back?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
