ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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