I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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