There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got inside last night via doggy door
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
