first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
