Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
as a side note pls kill me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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