my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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