It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
