Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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