Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
